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Jul. 20th, 2009 12:16 pm[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]
No matter one one looks at it, the conclusion is the same. This avenue has reached its end. I have told myself since the start of this that I would not place my people in the position of choosing between their Lady and their faith, and with good reason. Not all would choose as they should. Perhaps, if it had been Mother ... but even she would never have dared to risk it, even if she had reasons as compelling as mine. I know this is true, and yet I cannot stop myself from gathering these cards, studying my hand, shuffling and gathering once again. As though there could be anything left to work with, now. I've learned my lessons very well, haven't I?
Whatever my feelings for what is happening here, it cannot be stopped. Not without -- war, just as she says. Direct and dirty. It can't be helped.
Joseph is right to feel so frustrated. I wish that I could be so frank with my feelings, but these rumours must be put to rest. For now, Cleraine needs peace. For a time, Melyndra will be free to do as she wishes. I will put my feelings aside, and my people will be the better for it.
I know this, but that makes it no less difficult.
I still intend to keep my inquiries to the nomad tribes. I will discover that woman's secrets, as many as I am able.
In the meantime, there are a number of matters that have been neglected. If Gideon will speak so frankly to my face, I can only imagine what some of the others are saying where House Atsir is sure never to hear. Joseph must be off, and very soon ... as much as I might wish this were not the case. It's high time I stopped depending on him as much as I have. He has his own life to lead, his own ambitions to pursue. Whatever he says to me, I know this is true -- Joseph has always wanted to sit the Council. If not more. He could have more, couldn't he? Mother would have wanted him to court the Queen. She nearly said as much, quite frankly, in her last letters.
It's a very good idea. Particularly with such a weak, pathetic Jewel. Better to have my brother whispering in her ear than her brother, no? That is a project well worth our while. Considering that she will never spare a second glance for me, Joseph's influence would be invaluable to Cleraine and her interests. It's the only way to be sure our representation is what it should be, as Atsiria's greatest House.
And if Joseph must see to that, then I must see to myself, as well. A husband, and daughters. It's past time. I -- I won't be distracted with this, any longer. No more excuses. Sir Connor has been the most tenacious, even when I have been scarcely available. I'll see to it that his next inquiry is met with acceptance ... it's a start.
And more. It won't serve, letting certain things fester out of control.
[Filter: Lady Celeste, in Trade]
Lady Celeste. I hope the day finds you well?
I am sorry that it has taken this long for me to write, but I wanted to offer my own well wishes along with the many expressed before. I'm very glad to see that you have begun to recover from that which has ailed you.
No matter one one looks at it, the conclusion is the same. This avenue has reached its end. I have told myself since the start of this that I would not place my people in the position of choosing between their Lady and their faith, and with good reason. Not all would choose as they should. Perhaps, if it had been Mother ... but even she would never have dared to risk it, even if she had reasons as compelling as mine. I know this is true, and yet I cannot stop myself from gathering these cards, studying my hand, shuffling and gathering once again. As though there could be anything left to work with, now. I've learned my lessons very well, haven't I?
Whatever my feelings for what is happening here, it cannot be stopped. Not without -- war, just as she says. Direct and dirty. It can't be helped.
Joseph is right to feel so frustrated. I wish that I could be so frank with my feelings, but these rumours must be put to rest. For now, Cleraine needs peace. For a time, Melyndra will be free to do as she wishes. I will put my feelings aside, and my people will be the better for it.
I know this, but that makes it no less difficult.
I still intend to keep my inquiries to the nomad tribes. I will discover that woman's secrets, as many as I am able.
In the meantime, there are a number of matters that have been neglected. If Gideon will speak so frankly to my face, I can only imagine what some of the others are saying where House Atsir is sure never to hear. Joseph must be off, and very soon ... as much as I might wish this were not the case. It's high time I stopped depending on him as much as I have. He has his own life to lead, his own ambitions to pursue. Whatever he says to me, I know this is true -- Joseph has always wanted to sit the Council. If not more. He could have more, couldn't he? Mother would have wanted him to court the Queen. She nearly said as much, quite frankly, in her last letters.
It's a very good idea. Particularly with such a weak, pathetic Jewel. Better to have my brother whispering in her ear than her brother, no? That is a project well worth our while. Considering that she will never spare a second glance for me, Joseph's influence would be invaluable to Cleraine and her interests. It's the only way to be sure our representation is what it should be, as Atsiria's greatest House.
And if Joseph must see to that, then I must see to myself, as well. A husband, and daughters. It's past time. I -- I won't be distracted with this, any longer. No more excuses. Sir Connor has been the most tenacious, even when I have been scarcely available. I'll see to it that his next inquiry is met with acceptance ... it's a start.
And more. It won't serve, letting certain things fester out of control.
[Filter: Lady Celeste, in Trade]
Lady Celeste. I hope the day finds you well?
I am sorry that it has taken this long for me to write, but I wanted to offer my own well wishes along with the many expressed before. I'm very glad to see that you have begun to recover from that which has ailed you.
